Jesse. My balls are gone.

Jesse. Catastrophe. I was cooking up some of my purest the other day, when suddenly, I felt a large bump that sounded like an elephant bounced upon a lard-filled trampoline while eating a peanut butter jelly sandwich. Speaking of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, I was eating one, and I guess some of my chemicals got in there, because I went to go take a pee, and my beautiful sack- my magnificent, glorious pearls were out of sight, yet hardly out of mind. I couldn't stop thinking about my testicles all day. My glorious, god-gifted testicles! Missing! Just like that!

Anyway, Jesse, this is my final entry. I'm killing myself now. Toodles!